If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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