I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
