Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You don't make any sense
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