I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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