While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
