Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
