So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
