She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
