I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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