My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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