i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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