i just wanna soil my oats bro
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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