Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
