he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
