Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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