I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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