hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
