Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
