my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
