Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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