I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
is that a dick in a sweater?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
