After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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