I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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