if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
