I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
