How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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