New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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