carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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