Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
