chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
