Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
