if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
