so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
