why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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