i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
