I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
