To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
