Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
