Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
