No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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