I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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