it wasn't lemon gatorade
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
