Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
