You're completely useless in the revolution.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
