Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
