where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
