He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
