This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
