just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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