you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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