apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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