i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
